perfect first kiss
by alexmis
Summary: Artemis isn't very good at kissing. He is, however, very good at getting himself into trouble, making enemies, and outsmarting the bad guys. Alex appreciates all of this. Artemis POV / alexmis first kiss drabble


Artemis faced the dangerous men with a stern back and a brave glare. He was not afraid. He was not afraid of the dangerous men because, for starters, he was Artemis Fowl, and for the past entire 18 years of his life there had been few times when true fear had been his only real companion ( _death_ had come before fear at one point). He knew his situation, and therefore held no fear. He was also not afraid because standing a meter away from him was Alex Rider. Alex was confident, strong, and fresh, and Artemis trusted him.

He _was_ starting to become frayed around the edges - being manhandled, shouted at, belittled, and getting guns shoved in his face every five minutes for the past 6 hours was not his idea of a relaxing Sunday evening in June. But these dangerous men were not truly dangerous - they wore their weapons on their belts and not in their heads, and they needed Artemis alive and coherent. They were a swarm of hornets - loud and stinging, but ultimately nothing more than a nuisance, easily exterminated.

Their Queen was to be trifled with. She was the one who wanted him alive. She had ordered him to reroute servers, hide data, encrypt information that the LEP would never be able to decipher. In order to do so, she had invited Artemis directly into her lair. He knew, of course, that meant assured victory for him. He was confident enough in his abilities to know this and wary enough of this age-old foe that he double and triple checked his work. Repetition, failure, and magically-induced dementia had addled her mind. She was dangerous, but Artemis was not afraid of her.

Alex had been sent for him, indirectly. Just a kid loitering around a seemingly abandoned small time storehouse. He had been captured and brought to the same holding room as Artemis had been. Alex was a good actor - he acted scared, confused. He very nicely lied very badly about knowing Artemis when provoked, and explained frantically that he had just been wandering around - 10 miles off the road. They had enough collective IQ points to derail Alex's lie. They knew Alex had followed them on bike in Dublin's alleyways, but had failed to dislodge him. His arrival was their fault. All to the letter so far, plan wise. How predictable this set-up was. It was not intriguing in the least, and Artemis was bored. But he did not let himself slip up, not now, not when the crucial moment was fast approaching.

Artemis needed to get Alex out of the building with a micro-SD card he had filled to the brim with information on Her various schematics and infrastructures. He could have been removed from this inconspicuous hub long ago, but this had been the perfect chance and an opportunity to completely mentally out maneuver the pixie he loathed. That was something he could never find himself willing to pass up.

The dangerous men in front of him, dressed in dark clothes, guns, and scarred faces, did not need to let Alex go. Their Queen did not need Alex alive. If she was anything anymore, she would recognise him, if not his name.

This scared Artemis.

Alex had become a close friend in the past few years - bitter rivals at first sight, and through a few save-the-world adventures, oddly inseparable. _Bonded by trauma_ , he remembered fondly. Perhaps that was the only way he was capable of making friends.

But now was not the time to remember things fondly or question his socially inept ways. This slight fear did not falter him, it only braced him. He had to play his cards right. These thugs were fools. They had not yet contacted Her about their surprise guest, and they probably wanted to impress her with their ingenious in such an event - or more likely they wanted to avoid her wrath. They whispered not so quietly amongst themselves about what to do. Artemis looked towards Alex and tried to share a look that meant _I_ _will ensure this plan succeeds_. He was rather good at this look.

"Are you alright?" Alex asked him. This was a genuine question, Artemis could tell, and something inside him flickered.

"Don't worry about me, I will be fine." _You will be fine_ , he meant. He didn't blame the sincere concern Alex gave him. Artemis had seen better days - cobwebs on his blazer-less shoulders, soot and grime on his nice white shirt and pale face. There was probably still red around his neck where the bulldog of the thug group had grabbed him to tell him to shut up in several colourful ways. But his answer was just as sincere.

"You will be, Artemis, I promise."

A catch in his throat, and an internal sigh of relief, or perhaps comfort. Artemis was the one with the carefully laid out master plans, but Alex's improvisations and sure voice felt just as reliable as any one of his own calculations. He didn't understand how Alex could be so confident when he was as good as blind in situations like this, but it was a trait that Artemis had long since admired him for. Felt thankful for.

"You, shut up. Thought you said you didn't know each other." the bulldog barked, stabbing a grey sausage finger in Alex's direction. "We should just shoot 'im and be done with it. I don't care 'bout what she said about no bodies, rule. No one'll miss this scrawny piece of-"

One or two other men had spoken up quickly, deep graveled voices overlapping with increasing anger and anxiety, fighting like hyenas over who should call the shots. They wanted fast cash for a hostage job, not a body to bury and guns to hide. Or at least, that's what they were hired to be. Blood was a side benefit and one some thirsted for.

Artemis strained against his zip-tie bonds. They cut into his skin, and his back and legs ached him from being tie against the rusted support beam, standing in the stiff air for hours. Alex was bound similarly, but Artemis knew he could snap his bonds in a second. Alex wore his cowering shoulders well, and his loose hoodie hid his lean muscled frame precisely how he meant to. He was a _very_ good actor.

"Please!" Artemis interjected. Bulldog turned grey eyes to him and snarled. The other men quieted and bawked. Before they could speak, Artemis added " _Please_ , just let him go. He has nothing to do with this."

"And why should I listen to you, princess?" The bulldog man scoffed low. All talk and strained neck and rolling shoulders. Still, he listened.

"Because She will know otherwise, and she is not one to take these mistakes lightly. If you shoot a gun, she will hear. If you take him elsewhere, she will have seen your trackers. She smells mistakes and disposes of them violently. Do not become one of her mistakes. She has yet to learn of this. And you were correct, he is my friend. Anger me, and I cannot work for her. Anger me and you anger her." he stated firmly.

Dull fish-eyes and hanging mouths met him.

"And that means you won't get paid," he said with furrowed brow and rolling eyes. Idiots.

She had become sloppy and paranoid, and that meant no cameras, only live feedback on handheld communication. The situation was in the men's hands. Bulldog knew it. The others knew it. And they wanted to get paid.

One spoke up. "Boss, he's just some stupid kid. He ain't worth it. And if he tells cops, by the time they get here the place'll be clean and the brat's mind wiped, or whatever, like she said. Remember what happened to Tony?"

The men remembered what happened to Tony, and collectively shuddered. They knew they couldn't keep Alex to be mind-wiped alongside Artemis because then she'd find out.

After a heavy silence and an invisible tension rising between Artemis and Alex, the grey slab of malcontent barked " _Fine_." and jerked his head forward. Obviously discontented with being outsmarted by an 18 year old and not being able to use his trigger finger, he turned his back.

The smallest man of the group walked towards Alex as he flipped open a pocket knife.

Artemis focused his pleading eyes and teary voice on this man - he was young, soft faced and new to this world of underground activity - he probably owed someone money and fell into the underground's trap. "Please," Artemis half whispered, "Let me say goodbye to him."

The young man paused and glanced towards the others across the room. The big man was nursing alcohol and pacing, and the other two were sitting at the steel table tossing cards around. "You can say goodbye from over there, can't you?" he replied quietly.

"He came to protect me." Artemis bit his lip and tried to copy the faces of the heartbroken woman Butler would watch on the classics movie channel when he thought no one was awake. This thug wasn't as thuggish as the others; he was the weak link. They all knew that.

The young man sighed and rolled his eyes, trying to look as angry as his comrades, but he walked towards Artemis instead and quietly undid his bonds, and grabbing him by the scruff, walked him towards Alex. "Make it quick."

Artemis looked into Alex's deep brown eyes and they both knew Artemis was not going to be able to slip a chip into his hand when his hands were behind his back. Alex looked slightly for-real panicked underneath his fake-panic, but Artemis had been prepared for this. He had planned every detail.

Without hesitation Artemis reached forward and took Alex's face in his hands and kissed him hard against the mouth.

It was not romantic like Butler's movies. His foot didn't pop, there was no gentle breeze to tug at their hair, and there was no orchestra in the background perfectly timed with the synchronized beatings of their hearts. It was rough and a bit too dry and Artemis felt dirty and he, in a rare moment of vulnerability, had no idea what he was doing beyond what needed to be done. _A perfect fist kiss_ , he thought to himself. Perhaps it would be more pleasant if they weren't playing games with the devil, but he only allowed himself to think that very softly in the back of his mind.

If Alex was mortified, Artemis didn't have time to worry about that, because he played the game and then Artemis was being roughly dragged by the arm and put back into place against the rusted steal beam with a nice new zip-tie to dig right back into his sore wrists. He found himself unable to look over towards Alex directly, but heard the sounds of his release and turned to watch him be dragged out of the room. The last thing he saw was the back of his dirty blonde head.

Artemis sighed deeply. The plan had worked. Alex had received the card, along with...a _mouthful_ of Artemis, and he had been safely released. Foaly could now crack down on Her infrastructures, destroy her weak band of merry men from the inside out, and set Artemis skipping happily towards Holly's ship within the next half an hour.

Where Alex would be waiting.

That _terrified_ him.


End file.
